National Infertility Awareness Week

April 22-28 was National Infertility Awareness Week. I'll start with a reminder that I have links to a couple of Resolve's websites pinned on the right side of my blog.

How we feel about infertility now
Next, this is also a good time for me to share our feelings on infertility now that I am pregnant (25 weeks). All of my posts since the embryo transfer have been happy and positive and haven't mentioned infertility. This is mostly a coping mechanism on my part to try to stop dredging up the fears that infertility stuck us with and move on.

The closest analogy for infertility that I can come up with is an open wound. Each failed cycle made it deeper and longer. Pregnancy stitched it up, but it's still tender and needs re-dressing every day. Over time, it will turn into a scar; always present, but no longer a recipient of daily attention.

For me, I got to the point where I assumed we would always come up on the wrong side of the statistics. 90% of couples get pregnant within one year; not us. Average # of eggs retrieved during IVF for a 30 year old female is 10-12; we got six. 80% fertilization rate; we had 33%. But then we beat one: 40% chance of pregnancy from IVF for our situation. Simultaneously beat another: <20% chance of multiples.

The babies and I have passed every test and examination so far. They are growing great and have all their parts and pieces. Besides some standard growing pains and lots of early braxton hicks contractions, I'm in good health. But a piece of me always keeps an eye out for the rain on our parade. I was first worried about a miscarriage, then incompetent cervix, then spontaneous preterm premature rupture of the membranes, and now I'm keeping a watch for preterm labor and other complications like preeclampsia and intrauterine growth restriction. If you are pregnant, DO NOT GOOGLE ANY OF THESE. That is a huge mistake; the internet is full of stories you don't want to read.

All of this is to say we have not forgotten about infertility, nor are we cured. I finally let us start buying baby things at 24 weeks. I still have my injection table set up in our bedroom because I'm afraid I'll jinx this whole thing if I put it away. I want to call Dr. NFB and give her the updates she asked for on our last day, but again, I just can't open that door yet. I won't let Chris open the boxes to the carseats or the cribs yet. On a positive note, I feel more confident with each day that passes. It is really cool to feel the babies kick (except when that is on my cervix and bladder - thank you, Baby Boy) and we truly look forward to meeting them this summer.

Education Needed
Finally, in my opinion, the general population doesn't just need more awareness, but more education. I've mentioned this before - infertility is a medical condition. The World Health Organization recognizes it as a disease. It is not a mental state or the result of a couple not knowing how to make a baby. Infertility doesn't limit itself to a particular race or those with a certain socioeconomic status. Infertility is also not just a female problem: 30% of the time it is male factor, 30% female factor, 20% unexplained, and 10% both male and female.

Further, current rhetoric and pop culture usually do nothing to discredit the myths of infertility. There are extreme cases like Octomom, which was clearly the result of a mental disorder and an extremely unethical doctor. There are celebrities in their late 30's/early 40's conceiving twins and not admitting they were the result of fertility treatments. Last week, I came across a rerun of the Friends episode where Phoebe had an embryo transfer to be a gestational surrogate for her brother. They transferred five. FIVE. In all the infertility stories I've followed, nobody has ever transferred more than three and that is only after several failed IVFs and usually accompanied by poor egg quality. The goal of fertility treatments is a healthy singleton pregnancy.

Then, of course, there are the religious debates. Ugh. I don't even want to go here other than to share two comments. First, the pope recently made a speech where he called the actions of couples choosing infertility treatments and the actions of their doctors arrogant. I can tell you without a doubt that nothing about going through infertility or getting pregnant was arrogant. It has been the most humbling experience of our lives. I would have gladly welcomed any 85 year old cardinal who has sworn to a life of celibacy to spend a couple months with us while we were going through infertility treatments. I wonder if the accusations of arrogance would have been the same if he were in the room with us when we found out that our first positive pregnancy test in 18 months was going to result in a miscarriage. Or when I spent 45 minutes staring at a needle before sticking it in my own stomach.

And second, watching our babies grow via ultrasound makes me believe, more than ever before, that life is nothing short of a miracle. The reproductive endocrinologist did wonders to fertilize two eggs for us, but that is where the help stopped. Those embryos still had to implant and figure out how to turn into billions of cells to form brains, hearts, blood vessels, nerves, and functioning organs. Our babies are perfect in our eyes and I feel that God has played a significant role in their existence, despite that some religions and individuals will not recognize our children as such. May those quick to cast judgement (with no personal experience, I'm sure) never face this difficult road or watch a son, daughter, sister, or close friend struggle with it. I wonder where these same people draw the line on treatment of other diseases such as cancer? I'm guessing they would also label cancer patients and oncologists as arrogant?