We're in This Together

A couple months ago I came across an article on CNN about infertility from the husband’s perspective. At first I was thrilled! Not only was someone willing to discuss infertility, it was a DUDE! But as I got further along in the article, the author used phrases like, “when she has a failed cycle” or “when she has a canceled IVF due to poor response.” STOP! Since when is infertility her problem?

Chris and I have never considered this process to be mine or his alone. We want children together and therefore, whatever path it takes us to get there is also done together. Yes, I bear the brunt of the treatments and side effects and it has seemed to take a greater emotional toll on me. But not once has Chris ever considered this my problem. Failed cycles involve both of us. If in the end, we find out the primary problem is male factor infertility, I will not consider this his fault or his problem either. Marriage and parenting are partnerships where each person has to give 100%. Infertility treatments should be no different.

Chris is every bit as involved as I am except for the actual procedures. He comes to every appointment, he researches, he asks questions. The RE office doesn’t just talk to me. If he answers the phone when they call, they'll talk to him. He always comes back to the exam room and is equally addressed by the nurses and doctors. In fact, we see more couples in the waiting room than women alone.

Further, Chris is very thoughtful and protective. He has jumped out of bed 45 minutes early to make me breakfast because the Kryptonite has made me feel queasy. He surprised me with fancy ginger ale (made with actual ginger, not “natural flavorings”) because I am not drinking beer any more. He cooks dinner while I nap from not sleeping the night before after having hot flashes and bad dreams thanks to the Kryptonite / Clomid cocktail. So while Chris can’t pop the meds, he certainly makes it as easy on me as possible.

I can’t imagine feeling like I was going at this alone. And I’m sure Chris can’t imagine not being every bit as involved as he is. We are in this together, after all this is for OUR family.